Lilyflower--Lightclan

[» lilian ♥]

Name: Lilyflower
Moons: 31
Gender: She-Cat
Clan: LightClan
Rank: Medicine Cat
Short-Description:

Lilyflower is a beautiful white she-cat with odd brown markings on her face, and piercing green eyes.

Picture:

www.freewebs.com/sedonaswarriorgroups/FWThumbnails/Sab_SUPER-thumb.png

Description:

Lilyflower is a beautiful white she-cat. She has short hair, and has beautiful but odd brown markings on her face. She has piercing green eyes, that are the most stunning thing on her. Lilyflower is agile and steathly and she stalks with great ease. Her eyes always have a sparkle, and she loves to talk. Lilyflower loves to be in her den, just smelling the herb smell. She has loved that smell since she was an apprentice.

Personality:

Lilyflower is fast-witted and short tempered. But, she can also be gentle and caring. Lilyflower has loved, but got over it when her love died. She often looks forward to when she greets StarClan, for Lilyflower hates this evil and demented world, yet she loves it. Lilyflower can be mysterious and inward, but rarely ever. She is beautiful, and if she wasn't a medicine cat, she would never have just one mate.

History:

Lilyflower was clan born. She never knew she was going to be a medicine cat, but she followed her heart and this is where it lead her. Her mother and father died in a battle, and she was an only kit. (XD!) When she became a medicine cat apprentice, she didn't remember anything. But, her mother and father were alive then, and they had a long talk with her. Aftr that, they died. She was heart-broken, but her rage made her witty, and she became the medicine cat apprentice she knew that she was. Her mentor retired, and she became Lilyflower, neautiful medicine cat of Lightclan.

Role Playing Example:

Lilypaw padded into the apprentices den, exausted. She thought and thought. Lilypaw had juts been on a stroll, and she spotted some herbs that she knew, like marigold and cobwebs. She loved looking at them, and wondered why. Lilypaw loved the thought of being a medicine cat, but didn't know how she would be able to handle not falling in love, never fighting in battles...But she felt that she wanted to tend to her clan more.

Lilypaw thought it over all night, and finally came to the desicion. She would quit her normal apprentice training, and train to be a medicine cat apprentice. Lilypaw would talk it over with Inkstar, and ask if she could start right away. Then, Lilypaw would know all the herbs by the time it was time to become a warrior, and she wuld be...a MEDICINE CAT! Her eyes sparkled, and her spine tingled at the thought. Lilypaw bounded out of the apprentices den, and over to the leaders' den to talk to Inkstar.

Other:

[Sunrise.]

It's an okay bio, but if you want to be medicine cat, do you think you could fix some things up?
1) In your personality and description you say "She" alot and your sentences are rather choppy. Do you think you could combine some of the sentences to make them flow better and then add some more?
2) I don't think that StarClan would send a message to an apprentice telling them to be a medicine cat. It's the apprentices heart that they follow. And she couldn't go right from being a warrior into a medicine cat, they would have to go through training first.

[» lilian ♥]

I changed my bio, is it good?

[Sunrise.]

I know I told you to change your history, but you should have atleast 7 sentences. Maybe talk about her family a little and what her life was like when she was first started being a medicine cat apprentice? Otherwise it's looking alot better =] Great job.

[Sunrise.]

Accepted!